So… What Do You Do? Or rather, what’s a better question?

As many of us who’ve mingled in British social circles know, asking “So… what do you do?” upon introduction - whether at a dinner party or around a communal table - is practically a faux pas. The real art is to make it through a seven-course meal without once uttering it.

Why it’s impolite (and often uncomfortable)

1. Status checkpoint: It immediately feels like an assessment of one’s salary, social standing, or “usefulness.”

2. Awkward for jobseekers: It can mortify those between roles or facing career uncertainty.

3. Identity crisis: If you’re transitioning, moonlighting, or simply multifaceted, no single job title does you justice—so the question can trigger anything from mild discomfort to existential dread.

   
   

How to Answer When Someone Asks “What Do You Do?”

Rather than cringe or freeze, anyone else in career transition or else can gently reframe or sidestep the question with one of these opens:

1. “Oh, my interests include X, Y, Z…”– Shares passions, sparks rapport, and invites them to reveal their own interests.

2. “I’m transitioning from P to Q…”– Signals you’re open to ideas and keeps the dialogue collaborative (“Oh, I know someone in that field…”).

3. “I work in the area of [industry] at the moment.”– Broad enough to be accurate but not pinned down to a single role - ideal if you wear many hats.

4. “Things that get me excited are…”– A more poetic spin on (1) that naturally prompts “How about you?” without ever uttering “job.”

5. Use a dash of self-deprecating humor: Example for a fitness instructor: “I actually get paid to yell at people—so far it’s going great!”– Absurd one-liners defuse seriousness and always break the ice.

   
   

How to Ask About Someone Else without making it awkward

If you genuinely want to learn about the person in front of you without causing discomfort, try one of these instead of “What do you do?”:

1. “Have you been working on anything exciting recently?” - Broad enough to cover work, hobbies, home-improvement projects or whatever’s top of mind.

2. “What’s been keeping you busy lately?” - Ultra-flexible: perfect for young parents, freelancers, or anyone with multiple “jobs” in life.

3. “Do you work around here?”- Neutral and gives them control over how much detail to share.

4. “What brought you here?” / “How do you know the host?”- Reveals connections and can naturally segue into professional or personal anecdotes.

5. Contextual follow-up: If they’ve mentioned work stress, ask: “What’s making this period so busy for you?”

6. For the daring few: If you really must ask about their work, try a playful twist: “So… what do you do, apart from attending events like this?”

   
   

Parting Thought

Conversation is a two-way street of curiosity and respect. By reframing “What do you do?” - whether you’re on the asking or answering end - you invite a genuine connection and spare everyone that potentially awkward vibe. Next time you meet someone new, try one of these alternatives—and watch how much richer your chat becomes.